It doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from, but I can’t think of any other word that feels like a kick in the gut and a stab in the heart, much like “Depleted”!
More than just singing songs and quoting verses about trusting God, I’ve always wondered what doing it practically looks like; especially in a world where so much of what we want and need is at our disposal. Don’t we at times fall into the trap of thinking that while we know that we love God, and perhaps even believe that we trust Him completely, the reality is that we probably trust the resources He provides us with, more than we do Him?
I’ve been tremendously blessed to work for a company that has one of the best medical aid plans in the country – they (my employer) may get a few things wrong; but here, they hit it out of the ballpark. And so if you really know me, you’ll know that this is my bragging point when in conversations with friends and family about our different places of employ. Like, I hit the jackpot y’all!! I don’t need to remind anyone of the kind of year 2020 has been – it’s affected almost, if not every area of our lives in some way or another. With my health not being at its optimum best, I found myself in my GP’s rooms a lot more than I care to count; not to mention the numerous trips to my therapist as well. Yes, even that, I had been grappling with anxiety and depression too; that medical aid was hard at work! So a few weeks ago, after unsuccessfully trying to manage a rather stubborn headache on my own for about three weeks, I decided to pay my GP a visit once again. As usual, I produced my medical aid card, then went on ahead to the consultation room and had my Doc examine me; as I was about to leave, she uttered words I hadn’t anticipated to hear; put in what I found to be the most polite way anyone in that kind of situation could, almost as if too afraid to say them even, “Uhm, it seems as if the funds in your medical aid have been depleted”. It took me a few seconds to pick my bottom jaw up from the ground…
Have you ever felt like your face was being plastered with wet cement which dried up quickly, and then started cracking? Yup, that’s the feeling I got right in that moment. Embarrassment gobbled me up for a second, as I reached for my purse to make the payment. Very soon after the whole incident, in hysterics on a call with my sister, I told her of what had just happened – I was not only sad, but given my health, I was also very worried about what would happen to me should I, heaven forbid, fall ill again before the year ended. With no real choice, I concluded should worse come to worst, I would just have to tough it out…
As I was driving home and thinking about everything, the Holy Spirit reminded me of something too sweet to ignore, even though I hadn’t paid much attention to it; something that has never, and will never, ever be depleted, and that is the love of our heavenly Father; not only this incredible love, but everything else that comes with it; like His healing power. A smile formed on my face and laughter burst out of my mouth as if it had been trapped, more from shame than anything, at the thought of how much I didn’t really trust the only One who has on every occasion been trustworthy; as much as I have sung about it.
How many times have we found ourselves placing our trust in the things God has provided us with? Him who is in fact our Source!? Our jobs, medical aids, and even the very doctors we go to when bodies are afflicted are awesome to have around; trust me, I know how great a feeling it is to have these things, but surely we can’t trust them so much that we forget that at the end of it all, it is God who has us, and as our Great Physician, He heals us. The Bible, our manual for life, clearly states in Isaiah 53:5, “that by the stripes of Jesus Christ, we are healed”. He does the work, and nothing is beyond His healing power. He provides for us, for “He shall supply all our needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus”, Philippians 4:19. What’s marvelous about God’s supply, for whatever it is that we may be in need of, is that we can rest easy in the knowledge that it never runs out. God’s supply will never be depleted, and we can never fear that we’ve gone to Him too many times for our needs. In fact, He desires for us to run to Him first, rather than making Him our last resort.
One of my favourite songs to sing in recent times is Relentless Love. It reminds me of how much God loves us. It is this relentless, limitless love of His that manifests in so many different ways, as according to our needs, that we ought to rely on. It is His Word when He tells us that He is our ”Good Shepard, and we shall not be in lack”, Psalm 23, that we should trust, more than any other thing that may appear to be our safety net when we hit some of life’s hurdles.
As I continue to walk this journey of knowing more of who God is, may I learn to trust Him in the big, the small and everything in between; and just take Him at His Word. After all, He is just a prayer away!
Blessings,
Ntao
